So you’re an introvert.

I know how it feels. In crowds, you dig the comfy corner seat so engagement is limited and you feel hugged so your anxiety doesn’t come creeping up. Then when you are in intense social situations the next day you feel like you drank too much or you have serious brain fog as it took away all your life energy. I know it very well as I am also an introvert. Not a horrible case, but I always say it, I live through my extroverted artists and other music professionals out there. My happy place is at home next to my computer, with my family, and dog at foot.

If your living depends on interacting with people though you can’t come off as a pompous ass. Here is a story. I have an artist, we are at a festival and they show up and I am with a few people who are die-hard fans of this artist. I give them the needed credentials and show them to the green room and they pretty much ignore this die-hard fan so of course this fan is bummed out and even pissed off. This will be in this fan’s head forever – like the old saying goes – “Never meet your heroes”. I then came out of the green room after I knew the artist was all good and I see this guy is bummed out and he is even talking with other people about how he was disrespected and I went up to him and I was like “Dude, you know what they do for a living right, hours a day they sit in front of a computer producing tunes, then they board planes and travel the world over and over, rinse and repeat. If they don’t have a family at home this is all they know – computers and planes. It is an extremely taxing existence and they become extremely used to being with themselves. I also know they aren’t big talkers so please don’t take offense. Let’s wait til later on after they get settled in and there can be a proper meet and greet.” Or at least I said something like this…

So yeah later on after the performance was complete and the dopamine was flowing my introverted artist was more social and that member of our group had a better experience. Now what would have happened if I wasn’t there to soften the blow of my artist being “rude” to their fan? The worst case is that the fan is no longer a fan. So as an artist I don’t care how big you are, you are a public figure and you have to know your music touches people in times when they are alone with their thoughts so it hits that much harder. They know you through these feelings that your music gives to them so this moment when they are in front of you is a big deal to them. They are also vulnerable because they just worked up the nerve to come up to you.

Tip number one: smile, turn to that person extend your hand for a shake and say hello. If you are wreaked from a flight you can say that as everyone knows what lack of sleep is like so you aren’t going to be in your best form so a quick sorry man/mate/gal I’m not me yet I just spent 13 hours on this flight and I got to sit down in a quiet place for a nap is an excellent thing to say. To ignore them because of the thought that what might say might be wrong is worse than saying nothing at all. You have to give your fans a time of the day and think about these scenarios. You should practice these scenarios casually in your mind.

Tip number two: “A before the live show tip” Find out who else is performing or when promoting the event find out who is coming and chat these people up before you arrive so upon arriving you can pick up where you left off beforehand. Do this especially with the promoter so you can lower their excitement level. I have seen these promoters, they are spending a pretty penny to see you come to their city to perform and they are huge fans. When they pick you up at the airport you are going to get hugs, compliments, and maybe even gifts. If you’re not ready for it, it can be awkward for sure, if you don’t respond the way you should. So sending this message out might calm that down since the introduction has already happened. This can also be done with the arranged driver for your time in the city if it isn’t a car service or an Uber or something as they could also react in this way when greeted.

Story two – remember I am introverted – I was at a house party and in the past in these situations I would be very nervous especially if I am not around people I know well. With age and through a lot of meditation I got better sitting with myself and enjoying my atmosphere. At this party where I didn’t know these people too well, I just sat there sipping a drink and listening to others talk. Did I insert myself, not really. But I listened for opportunities where I could insert actual value into the conversation or where I could help the people I did know sound more interesting to boost them up in their social experience. An example of that is especially true when the drinks and other substances are flowing. If your friend is sounding like a “know it all” and you know the other person better than them, listen for that time when you can come in and promote your friend to be the expert that they are or make them sound better at least, or if that isn’t possible to find a clever way to get them out of the conversation and take over. If you can’t insert yourself just take note using your listening skills and be comfortable being the observer. Then at the end of it all bring your friend to the side and explain that they are a little drunk or whatever and make it better for everyone. The main point is to get used to being with yourself and don’t think in social situations you need to be the extrovert and be the party since that isn’t in our personality trait. Be who you are. I have had many parties be terrible experiences because I was being self-conscious about being quiet and I have made it worse by inserting myself into conversations where I wasn’t exactly invited into thinking that is what I needed to do. Also, don’t be afraid of inserting yourself as well it is just how you do it. People are social creatures so once you get past your name and something to kick off the connection all should be good from that point on. Plus if you’re an artist and booked at a show or even behind your keyboard, you have this connection already established. You don’t have to be larger than life, there is nothing wrong with being the quiet, chill guy/gal at the party. Just don’t be the boring person who is so introverted that people think you have a chip on your shoulder or something. This stuff takes practice and don’t rely on drinks or other illicit substances to get you into your extrovert mode, it isn’t worth it at the end of the day as you’ll start to make it a habit in all social situations and start to believe you need them in order to be in those situations. Meditation for sure helps with being alone with yourself so you get really good with silence so give it a shot and stick with it as it does take a bit of time to make it part of your daily schedule.

Tip three – Advertise Yourself: Let this be known so people know what type of person you are. You’re an artist and you have a platform. People love to hear the back story of artists and see the creative side of what artists do. Studio clips of you working on music, or just being with friends doing small clips. An idea could be doing these clips and inserting this is why you do this, this is your meditation or your peaceful place – you and your computer and that you can’t wait to share it with everyone and then joke “But don’t be surprised if I’m not the life of the party, that is what the music is for”. You have to engage with your fans or else you won’t make it in this business as there is just so much music out there. Introverts for one thing are usually very creative people so allow this to shine and don’t be shy to identify as an introvert. I turned being an introvert into a benefit, I got very good at proper handshakes, hugs, and looking people in the eyes and saying it’s great to be here and that might be all I say. That is also enough – I often joke a lot that I don’t talk much as I am the man behind the scenes and I like it that way. Then I sit back and watch my extroverted talent be the life of the party. Just be you and be your best-introverted self. If you are the artist and not the agency owner then feed off of those extroverts and their antics as they are a handful and need us introverts to tone them down. We act as the peaceful and calming force so they don’t end up being the ass.

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Check Out My Substack – a lot of the same, just there